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Actual Light

by Jessica in The Rainbow

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about

This is a song I wrote on a hill by the channel in Grand Haven Michigan, on November 10th 2015, a day before heading to Northern Michigan for a songwriting retreat with Crosshatch (2 weeks in a cabin, to write - Hill House - one of the most creatively validating experiences of my life <3)

This song is how i felt to the imaginary authority in my head, dream remnants of actual authority figures from my younger life, telling me what to do and how to be more "responsible."

But the job I left to take this opportunity was paying me a very low wage, despite seeming on the outside like the 'responsible' job (in addition to the absurdly low wage, it was also time-demanding and intense in ways that didn't line up with the pay, but that is another story for another time, or for only a past time, one I've told to myself enough and am ready to begin to let go <3).

So the happy ending, is that I had accumulated a collection of new piano students, and I flew off the cliff - first with this songwriting retreat, but eventually with coming back to a growing full-time piano teaching studio. Starting in December 2015, and now a very successful and happy and inspired business on my own terms 'Creative Sky Music School.' I even teach many of my nieces and nephews, and some college friends' kids. And it's 100% virtual since covid (and will be remaining so, as I have perfect pitch and can help virtually in ways that many teachers can't, so the lessons-from-home flexibility is win-win) so I teach entirely online, worldwide, open to working with anyone, anywhere. It's the closest thing to workaday bliss as I probably could have invented for myself. So a.k.a. the authority figures in my head and memory were wrong :) And some leaps of faith - while scary at the time - are 1,000,000% worth it. And there's no way to feel secure and safe before taking the leap, you just have to trust your own wings, and your own ability to fly (and course correct) and work hard or work WITH the flow, not against it.

Anyway! I'm deeply grateful I listened to MYSELF (and those who supported and encouraged my inner knowing)...and that ancient turtle feeling is within us all, you just have to get quiet enough to hear it.

xo to the world

love Jessica

p.s. TL:DR - don't do the things others tell you to do (including ME!), just because they are what seem right to them...no one knows what's true for you, what's wisest or smartest or the best use of your talents and skills...YOU know what's in your core, you're not a child anymore (unless you ARE a child, then HELLO! hope you have a lovely day, and enjoy childhood :) BYE!

credits

released June 30, 2021
Song by Jessica Fogle
11-10-2015

Ukulele & vocal are the original songwriting moment in 2015, on a handheld recorder from Best Buy (the $79 kind :)

MIDI layers (bass / bells / space sounds) added in 2020, released and then taken down (covered things up, instead of honoring the original)

Remixed and rereleased on June 30, 2021

<3 xoxo

Love yourself, love your life, honor what you feel needs honoring, in you, in others. xo forever.

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Jessica in The Rainbow Michigan

~demos & lofi~
~existential dream folk~
~neoclassical lullaby pop~
~care bear stare~

jessicaintherainbow.com 💕✨🌼

* Studio albums @ jessicawolfbird.bandcamp.com * ... more

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