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Time & the sky (in your mind (day 104 of 365​)​)

by Jessica in The Rainbow

/
1.
Green is the color of the world And we say we are going forward And we are only a part of some great rebirth And all ways we are All the ways weā€˜ve ever been All the ways we will be again and again and again And all I see right in front of me And all I am is all that ever was and will be again And in my veins in my veins in my skin in my heart in my brain I let this in I let you in In my heart In my eyes In the way I see all this light from within from within from ā€¦
2.
Here in a dream with you Itā€™s all the same Itā€™s coming true Again and again I know the land at my feet and I feel it like sand between toes and fingers Like earth shifting Cause itā€™s not glued together at all Itā€™s made of all these molecules And Adam wanted it this way Oh Adam wanted it this way Creative We create all this motion Created an ocean of dreams Creative Some great slow motion Like a bird before birds could follow anything And Iā€™m on this flight path with you And we choose our trajectories (we do) (or we think we do) And the ocean beneath me feels like the sands of time that I once held in my hand making choices with my imagination We can be anything We can be anything So why arenā€™t we anything at all?
3.
Fall (lofi) 08:00
With this compass in my every step With this compass in my fingertips All I want is to know the way that's best to grow to go with you in my skin with you in my every breath with you in my consciousness All these stories like All these leaves on branches of all these trees unfolding before our eyes and they can't all be important (can they?) I want to know I truly want to grow It's so hard to hold this rope And keep thinking it's important how do we how do we hold these stories in our bones on and on When we feel as alone as the third leaf from the right on the tree in the world that's one of many in space among these stars among this fragment of time and I'm like a planet and I'm like nothing at all and i'm like a planet and I'm like nothing at all It makes no sense It makes a difference Holding all these ropes Holding all this close It makes no sense but it makes a difference It makes a difference if we fall <>
4.
Want (lofi) 04:01
White like the sky I know you're white like the sky inside your heart and your mind Green like the leaf on the biggest tree around Dark and green and heavy like a cloud Full of life Full of water Full of life We want to be more than we are when we look around and see all the colors and we want to be what we've found in everybody and all of the colors And we want to be more than we are when we look around at all of the colors We want to be more than we find and more than we are and more than we are And we want to be more than we are and more than we've been and more than we'll ever be And we want to be more than we are to be more than we've been to be more than we'll ever be We want to be more than we are More than we've been More than we'll ever be We want to be more than we are and more than we've been and more than we'll ever be
5.
Never (lofi) 04:41
You box me in You hold me down Like time You understand the ways Iā€™m grounded by your lack of light And all the ways we donā€™t get to decide And all the ways we donā€™t get to be right. You tie me up You take my fate You arenā€™t soft like I wish you were You hold me down You tuck me away And I canā€™t see where Iā€™m going And I canā€™t see where Iā€™ve been You take me in your little line Your little line to the great big sky and you donā€™t see the ways youā€™re not right at all. Cause you canā€™t see what youā€™re not Cause you canā€™t see all the things youā€™ll never be.
6.
You are the absentee And I am the game youā€™re playing All of the ways weā€™re not free to be what we choose Here in your heart so loved Comes on me like an ocean wave And I canā€™t tell you anything like you tell me Youā€™re like some kind of dictator in my brain Youā€™re like all the things you said you would be Like some great creative force flowing in my blood My veins are full of all these stories And Iā€™m just your pen or your quiet voice in the night like a lullaby you made out of time when will I be out of it too when can I hand over the reins When will you have nothing to prove Nothing left to say How we are used here How we are used here How we are used here How we are used here How Iā€™ve been used here How Iā€™m being used here How Iā€™ll be used here I donā€™t know if I can take weight of your hand on back Pushing me down And telling me to stay around One more day One more night One more song One more light One more day One more life One more song One more right deed One more way I can escape this brain And the weight of the things that make me insane All the choices we make And the words we decide to say When thereā€™s nothing to say at all At all
7.
We donā€™t know what we are We donā€™t know what we need Weā€™ve come so far And gone nowhere at all We are wanting to be Something more than weā€™ve been Something more than we are right now Something we can never be again In dreams we can find a way But we donā€™t fly outside the frame Why is that? I want to know why I keep going so slow or back the way I came Itā€™s so strange not to know why we created all this pain Cause we made it all with our minds And could decide at any time to erase the truths that contain the lies and we could fly outside the lines But why do we stay when we could go another way We donā€™t have to live this way We could go another way

about

this is a sketch of album #2 of 12 from last year, that I never released but meant to...long story short(er), my computer crashed and i lost most the Friend Ship saga progress last May, and because it was an album a month, I needed something. Thought about switching to this album, after meeting Nellie McKay and driving the 2+ hours home from that show, finding all these songs, loving it, and then realizing they were all from the same day, almost one year earlier to the day. But then I ignored intuition at a crucial moment, and ruined the flow on this, and went back to the Friend Ship (cheating to release a sketch instead of an album - made up for later, in a month where i did 2 albums, just to be thorough)...it feels weird to put this here, as a sketch. But it feels weirder to NOT have it on my site, when I really really really meant to put it here.

*I'll tell you the reason I didn't release it - last may - for those rare few who read this shit...

Basically this cellist I know, Hunter, came over and riffed some takes on "Words" which is now on the Friend Ship vol 269 I think...and we were on a roll and done early, so I said, wanna do improv cello? And so he did it to track 1 of this album and I heard a voice in my head say "noooo not that one" but I didn't know why and he is always so eager and I'd already offered it impulsively, so we did it. Later I realized, that it was because I'd end up loving his cello improv SO much, and so did he, that for the rest of the challenge I saw this album as a half-finished one instead of a sketch I could do something with. Like I just wanted him to come back and improv more cello. Sometimes intuition is not there to say "it won't be good or right" - sometimes it's there to say "you'll see how much better x y or z is, and then you won't like what you have, or you'll put what you have on hold, etc"... it's the whole problem with wealth, and the "haves" vs the "have nots" really. "Making your own fun" and "staycations" and making do w what you've got is actually, maybe, a blessing in disguise, most the time. I think. Anyway... he left for Malaysia or Uganda or NYC right after that improv sesh, so that's why we couldn't finish it (he really went to all three of those places, just can't remember which one when...)

Anyway I'll share the version w cello someday...never comped the different takes tho, made it into a "project"...yet another slated unfinished thing...maybe something out there knew it wasn't worth all that for a scrappy piano track w/ uneditable vocals that peaks on and off...gotta start using better gear. Sorry to your ears. But thanks to the universe for these songs...I love them with my whole heart, especially (I think especially, I'm not sure, sometimes it's too much) when 7 come at once like this.

xoxo Jessica

credits

released May 26, 2019

**UPDATE - these tracks were re-uploaded in mid-January 2020, because I got Izotope RX and cleaned up that scrappy clipping sound (from the mic not being able to handle loud piano parts) YAY. <3 <3 <3 thanks before for your patience, if you need a new download code, for anyone who has the old version, please send me a message. xo
***

Songs written/improvised on a shitty recorder on May 26th, 2017
as part of the 365 Songs in 365 Days challenge.

Made up by me, Jessica.

For no reason. Okay, actually cuz politics (needed a mental escape and a way to use my brain and regain power in the current political helplessness, tried getting into politics and I cried the whole meeting, didn't help anything, sadly...thank you to those who serve, I hope I'm inspiring you in other ways...also this is my activism, as I'm 100% anti-shame, and we have to fight the shame bullies of the world, who use their voice to put others down...I say, I won't even put down those who are putting others down, I'll just pray for you lol...for real tho, my grandma was a nun, I probably have some prayer power...I hope...I don't know, this world is weird and words are easy and flow is strange, like I could edit this like a normal person, but since all of this makes me barely any money I like it when it at least allows me to feel freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

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Jessica in The Rainbow Michigan

~demos & lofi~
~existential dream folk~
~neoclassical lullaby pop~
~care bear stare~

jessicaintherainbow.com šŸ’•āœØšŸŒ¼

* Studio albums @ jessicawolfbird.bandcamp.com *
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