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Time & the Sky (in your mind)

by Jessica in The Rainbow

/
1.
Within 04:08
Green is the color of the world And we say we are going forward When we are only a part of some great rebirth And all ways we are All the ways we've ever been All the ways we will be again and again and again And all I see right in front of me And all I am is all that ever was and will be again And in my veins in my veins in my skin in my heart in my brain I let this in I let you in In my heart In my eyes In the way I see all this light from within from within...
2.
Adam / Atom 06:54
Here in a dream with you It’s all the same It’s coming true Again and again I know the land at my feet and I feel it like sand between toes and fingers Like earth shifting Cause it’s not glued together at all It’s made of all these molecules And Adam wanted it this way Oh Atom wanted it this way Creative We create all this motion Created an ocean of dreams Creative Some great slow motion Like a bird before birds could follow anything And I’m on this flight path with you And we choose our trajectories We do (or we think we do) And the ocean beneath me feels like the sands of time that I once held in my hand making choices with my imagination We can be anything We can be anything So why aren’t we anything at all?
3.
Fall 07:59
With this compass in my every step With this compass in my fingertips All I want is to know the way that's best to grow to go with you in my skin with you in my every breath with you in my consciousness All these stories like All these leaves on branches of all these trees unfolding before our eyes and they can't all be important (can they?) I want to know I truly want to grow It's so hard to hold this rope And keep thinking it's important how do we how do we hold these stories in our bones on and on When we feel as alone as the third leaf from the right on the tree in the world that's one of many in space among these stars among this fragment of time and I'm like a planet and I'm like nothing at all and i'm like a planet and I'm like nothing at all It makes no sense It makes a difference Holding all these ropes Holding all this close It makes no sense but it makes a difference It makes a difference if we fall
4.
Want 04:00
White like the sky I know you're white like the sky inside your heart and your mind Green like the leaf on the biggest tree around Dark and green and heavy like a cloud Full of life Full of water Full of life We want to be more than we are when we look around and see all the colors and we want to be what we've found in everybody and all of the colors And we want to be more than we are when we look around at all of the colors We want to be more than we find and more than we are and more than we are And we want to be more than we are and more than we've been and more than we'll ever be And we want to be more than we are to be more than we've been to be more than we'll ever be We want to be more than we are More than we've been More than we'll ever be We want to be more than we are and more than we've been and more than we'll ever be
5.
Never 04:39
You box me in You hold me down Like time You understand the ways I’m grounded by your lack of light And all the ways we don’t get to decide And all the ways we don’t get to be right. You tie me up You take my fate You aren’t soft like I wish you were You hold me down You tuck me away And I can’t see where I’m going And I can’t see where I’ve been You take me in your little line Your little line to the great big sky and you don’t see the ways you’re not right at all. Cause you can’t see what you’re not Cause you can’t see all the things you’ll never be. <3 *note: this is an anti-ode to the fear-based concept of TIME (a.k.a. obsession with past and future - memory and imagination... both of which are ACTUALLY occurring in the present, which they do not want you to believe, and therefore steal your time) ...instead of a love-based concept of TIME, a.k.a. the eternal now / present, which is what I prefer to focus on, most the 'time' :) <3
6.
Time Lullaby 07:57
You are the absentee And I am the game you’re playing All of the ways we’re not free to be what we choose Here in your heart so loved Comes on me like an ocean wave And I can’t tell you anything like you tell me You’re like some kind of dictator in my brain You’re like all the things you said you would be Like some great creative force flowing in my blood My veins are full of all these stories And I’m just your pen or your quiet voice in the night like a lullaby you made out of time when will I be out of it too when can I hand over the reins (When will you have nothing to prove Nothing left to say)   How we are used here How we are used here How we are used here How we are used here How I’ve been used here How I’m being used here How I’ll be used here I don’t know if I can take weight of your hand on back Pushing me down And telling me to stay around One more day One more night One more song One more light One more day One more life One more song One more right deed One more way I can escape this brain And the weight of the things that make me insane All the choices we make And the words we decide to say When there’s nothing to say at all At all
7.
Another Way 07:32
We don’t know what we are We don’t know what we need We’ve come so far And gone nowhere at all We are wanting to be Something more than we’ve been Something more than we are right now Something we can never be again In dreams we can find a way But we don’t fly outside the frame Why is that? I want to know why I keep going so slow or back the way I came It’s so strange not to know why we created all this pain Cause we made it all with our minds And could decide at any time to erase the truths that contain the lies and we could fly outside the lines But why do we stay when we could go another way We don’t have to live this way We could go another way

about

On May 26th 2017, these songs came out in one burst of pressing record 7 times at my piano, on Day 104 of 365 (of the 365 songs in 365 days challenge on YouTube, you can watch the original songwriting moments via search if you want to :).

On May 26th 2018, I *intended* to do what I'm doing now, as album 2 of 12 in the 12 albums in 12 months challenge, and got sidetracked due to unnecessary kindness and other inner world problems :) Long story.

On May 26th 2019, I released a cleaned up piano/vocal lo-fi version of this album.

On May 26th 2020, I wrote this blurb saying that I am *finally* releasing a semi-lofi half piano half MIDI version of the album, but then only finished 3 of the 7 songs in time, so I didn't release it, and by this point it was funny to me to say 'oh well I guess I have to wait til next year.' So then I waited...

And now it's May 26th, 2021 and I am actually releasing the pre-order into the world and beginning the process of moving on. I truly love all the May 26th moments that were considered for honoring these 7 songs...but I am ready to move on to more moments, and newer moments in time, new experiences, instead of being obsessed with circling around a wound, or in this case, a repeated moment of spiritual introspection.

One thing about the past is that, the more you are pre-occupied with it (even the GOOD past, like my love of these 7 songs), the less room you have for new experiences in your heart and your endlessly-forward-stretching present-meets-future-potential.

Turns out the open expanse of future time is actually a bit scary to me, and I've used a constant stream of unfinished and half-finished projects to anchor myself.

For better AND for worse.

Some people get help for OCD and PTSD and anxiety etc by spending decades with therapists (which I did when I was younger), balancing out and becoming more functional perhaps, but OTHER people - since the dawn of time as far as I know - turn these feelings into art and music and literature and poetry, and you know what? That helps too. For me it helps way more. You just have to get used to flowing against the stream of society - not to be cool, not to get attention, but because it's the way you're naturally wired, and it's a good and beautiful thing.
In this process I learned to see my abundant creativity as my real and true self, not my wounds and trauma. Someday I'll write a book called "Creativity as Therapy." Or I won't. All these liner notes is like a book :) Or my Instagram. Or my 800+ videos on YouTube, including "How to Be Your Authentic Self" 7 part series, and "JiTR in Rainbowland" feelings show for adults...it's all there. I hope it helps you, as it's helped me.

Anyway I hope this album helps you too.

Also FYI it's in the style used in 'Tiny Traumas, adding up (out of body, in your skin) III' and parts of 'Michigan Dreams.' Which I call 'semi-lofi' - in that they layer studio MIDI sounds on top of lo-fi field recordings. If you like those albums, you might like this one. And I hope you do because it's a lot of work (more than a regular album) and probably (certainly) the last time I'll do it.

Thank you for listening. I release a lot of music + words because it feels like flying to me - and just FYI I'm very appreciative of fans and friends who have enjoyed my wild ways :)

xoxo Jess

credits

released June 20, 2021

Piano / vocal by Jessica Fogle (2017 me)
MIDI and space sounds and other oddities by Jessica Fogle (2020-21 me)
Same me, maybe
Maybe not
xoxo

Recorded In the clouds, Grand Haven Michigan (a.k.a. home)

Peace be with you.

<3

Dedicated to my sister Stephanie, who has helped me with my spirituality & faith more than any other human being on the planet.

& to my sister-in-law Rachel, who - in a few crucial and courageous moments, through her kindness and communication - inadvertently taught me patience, resiliency, and finding another way out of seemingly impossible situations and feelings.

& to my nun Grandma, Sister Alice Lowry (*rest in peace*), who helped me begin the tender process of caring for my spirit, and looking upward.

~

#1 thing Sister Alice taught me (my paraphrase) : you are not the anger you feel - it is just a thing you need to move THROUGH...

#youarenotyourtrauma #youarebeautiful #youareyou #youdeservetobehere #xoxo

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Jessica in The Rainbow Michigan

~demos & lofi~
~existential dream folk~
~neoclassical lullaby pop~
~care bear stare~

jessicaintherainbow.com 💕✨🌼

* Studio albums @ jessicawolfbird.bandcamp.com *
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