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Sunday Afternoons (+ Tuesdays too)

by Jessica in The Rainbow

/
1.
Wait for a sign wait for your cue when all of these worlds are wanting you to decide where you're going and state where you've been your weakness is showing again and again and again I just wanted to belong to a world bigger than one tiny song in the darkness in my room even with all this light it's a tomb and i'm finding again and again i will be ready to let go of you to let go of all this noise.
2.
Outtake #1 01:29
3.
4.
I can't capture you I can't hold this space for too long It's in me like a song for you but I'm not going to write this down
5.
6.
Taking all this in me the way you take a drug to change your mind and all those feelings in your skin and eyeballs holding weight like color being swept away in time this time and i'm afraid I won't feel the same things again How do you capture a memory of a long lost friend How do you hold it in when you want to scream to the world and say that things have been kind of stressful but that's not the purpose anyway but you say nothing at all or you say a hundred thousand things they just make you feel small in your mind alone all the time like you're saying all of the unimportant things and wasting all this breath what you have left instead of right in (writing) this moment when everything's here everything's dear everything's here and everything's nearly near it's true and dear to you and everyone can't know your truth but all this flight like a bird like a bird who never woke up from the dream of being heard by those who were busy singing busy dancing busy flying on their own and i'm ready to come home to you if you still want me to
7.
All around you now In the places you breathe It is finally time to know if you will be relieved when you find out if you're going to need to find a new life find a fiction to become something more I have waited for your name to be right Are you sedated by that drug you take most every night? All around you time is waiting for your final word it's finally aware it may be heard in this time but I'm not going to give up on you either way your secret's safe with me i want you to know i am taking all the longest winding roads to you
8.
This Wall 05:06
Here in this place where I made you Here in this place where I decided to come along on a grand adventure in time Here on this puddle or fountain Written on sides of a mountain I didn't know I needed to climb And I am learning to be still Until I find out where I am going to Here in this town that you own I am feeling more alone than ever It's true we don't own things but when I gave this to you It felt like a tunnel of like a tunnel of bricks unfolding that I couldn't walk through I built this wall for you Cause I just wanted you to be okay with not being with me and I finally see and I finally see This wall wasn't built for me This wall wasn't made to do anything but keep you from wanting me from wanting me.
9.
You are like a tunnel I've been afraid to go down You are like a poem I read once and found myself in but I am beginning to know the difference now in finding one point on a map and loving it and building worlds around it cause I don't have to build a world around this to know that it's beautiful to me beautiful I see everything in you (like you saw in me).
10.
11.
haha ummm... wanting to be full of... ???
12.
I've taken cues from you and it feels like it's all I do I've written on my skin all the ways to begin again and again at this life how to be liked how to be right and I wanted you to want to come along But you hold me like song that's wandered on too long I don't know what I did wrong... Well I do but I don't know how I can write a different song when this one has gone on and on On and on and on and on
13.
Time is all you have really It is the only currency that's really like a current you swim in most your life or all of your life anyway And they say that life's the answer And they say we should want the game More than the naming of each player But I know have loved these years with you here I have loved these worlds we've made dear And I have been afraid most my life until I moved here and learned to move on my own because I wanted to and only cause I wanted to

about

well hello <3 just thought i'd draw a happy little tree (or two) over here...nothin fancy, carry on.

but for real, this album of songs was made up on a couple sunday afternoons, and a couple of tuesdays too.

i made it for myself, while working on an album I meant to release this month, but it's not ready...and this being an album-a-month challenge, I had to release something...this being album #9 now by default. but some default settings are perfectly okay.

not this one really...unless you like asmr or something?

i left all the stray sounds in, to give you a window into my life. i had fun putting this together and listening to these songs on treadmills or in the car...well my new minivan cuz i'm a music mom now (just for me and bandmates, but soccer mom doesn't sound right, no kids + just for music gear)

anyway...that's all. this is small and silly and serious serious songs, but i feel too silly right now, or loopy, from putting this together, including "Outtake don't use this Jess" and all the original voice memo names, that i can't be serious. even tho some of these songs are serious, most are, and i cried cathartically after writing a few of them.

xo be you today, it's okay. the world won't break, if you're naturally non-harming. i think more harm is done by those holding back who they are, than by those letting themselves loose, but what do i know...i could be wrong. -jessica

credits

released December 19, 2018

all songs made on my phone
december 9, 11, 16, and 18th
2018

xoxo jessica (fogle)

p.s. i feel like i didn't say anything real here...so umm... as strange as it is to say perhaps, i had fun making these sad songs and going on journeys into my heart the past couple weeks with these songs, as winter began and i listened extensively to songs from december 2015, i found myself melancholy and hopeful at the same time, all the time...which maybe inspired journeys i didn't know i needed, and maybe is really why i'm releasing this... it's really for me (obviously) but for that rare lost soul who finds strength in sadness, or in admitting sadness to onesself, and being small and simple and avoiding spending your time and life on 'the sound of trying,' maybe this is for you too. <3

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Jessica in The Rainbow Michigan

~demos & lofi~
~existential dream folk~
~neoclassical lullaby pop~
~care bear stare~

jessicaintherainbow.com 💕✨🌼

* Studio albums @ jessicawolfbird.bandcamp.com *
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