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Survival Skills (H​.​S. thru early 20s)

by Jessica in The Rainbow

supported by
Dennis Jackson
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Michael Teach
Michael Teach thumbnail
tananabread
tananabread thumbnail
Javier Gil García
Javier Gil García thumbnail
brownfrancis
brownfrancis thumbnail
/

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $2 USD  or more

     

  • Full Digital Discography

    53
    releases

    Get all 53 Jessica in The Rainbow releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Eclipse Songs, Unicorn (or, S.A.D. #444), Grand Rapids (demos), Dreambird in Rainbowland (*4 kids*), decembersongs, Songwriting Club + Feelings, Tiny Traumas, adding up (out of body, in your skin) II, Fallen Star, and 45 more. , and , .

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      $81 USD or more (25% OFF)

     

  • Handmade disc w songs from "Survival Skills" (ones that feel JiTRish)
    Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Hey there. I made this album (cover art by the lovely Ryan Wyrick) and then regretted putting it on JiTR, because they're songs from my distant past that make me sad to listen to. But perhaps you are sad, and you will feel comforted by my sad past? If so, most of em are at jessicafogle.bandcamp.com now, which is music from when I lived in Chicago (more warped cabaret and piano ballads) but I selected a few faves to keep here. And this disc has those on it, with other doodles and handwritten things by me. If you're a collector and want all 12, then here you go, it's somethin <3

    Includes unlimited streaming of Survival Skills (H.S. thru early 20s) via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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1.
Pointless Thoughts 04:30
lyrics
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Can you read my thoughts I feel you can sometimes I had to tell you something Something that was on my mind Things seemed pretty shaky I felt so hurt and so confused Figured I may as well forget it all But I didn’t want to lose you So I thought about this every night Couldn’t find where I went wrong Except sometimes I was overbearing Did I come on too strong? But you mean everything to me In my head and in my dreams This change occurred so suddenly People aren’t as they always seem to be I expected the worst I thought that you were leaving me The pain was in my heart But it was hidden deep I came across as if I was alright But you shook me up shook me up bad People always said that you didn’t realize what you had Did you know you were playing games with me? Did you see how much it hurt Can you see what you’re throwing away Or can’t you see how much it’s worth I think I care too much for you Oh you mean the world to me But the way that you once were is gone People aren’t as they always seem to be This change occurred so suddenly People aren’t as they always seem to be
2.
Helpless 04:29
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3.
Cake (Take It Back) 05:49
lyrics
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A warped illusion of where I stand I try to think as little as I can A downfall with each analysis leaves me avoiding your plan Where’s my understanding of who I am? Why the fights God? Why the loss of you? Why is it that I must choose? To have your cake and eat it too You want me to only live for you Is this true? Well you can have it Take it Take it back Well you can have it No I don’t need it Just take it back In my blindness I follow at his heels Is my self-directed theory only to avoid fear? Why can’t you be my savior when he is near? Why must I be alone to keep you here? Why the fights God? Why the loss of you? Why is it that I must choose? To have your cake and eat it too You want me to only live for you Is this true? Well you can have it Take it Take it back Well you can have it No I don’t need it Just take it back
4.
Questions 05:35
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5.
Change (Take Me As I Am) 04:18
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6.
Someone Else's Dream 05:46
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7.
Love Is 05:30
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8.
T.V. 06:48
lyrics
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Romantic weekend getaway Just the two of us for two whole days You have a vision of how it could be I did once too but now I’m breaking free I try to talk about life and love You seem distant as I open up I ramble on and you hate it when I do I feel so alone when I’m with you I thought you were someone else Someone more like me I thought things would be different But now you just wanna watch T.V. You think I don’t care what’s going on with you I think you’re partly right – that’s partly true I may not care why the car won’t start But I care about what’s in your heart I think you’re scared – you think I’m wrong I think there’s more to you than you let on You used to share with me your joy and pain Now you keep it safely tucked away I thought you were someone else Someone more like me I thought things would be different But now you just wanna watch T.V. I can’t live a lie I can’t race my way past open fields or starry skies So if I’m not what you need Then maybe you should be the one who’s breaking free I thought you were someone else Someone more like me I thought things would be different But now you just wanna watch T.V. How can you just watch TV? When there’s so much more to see When there’s so much more to be
9.
Driving On 04:32
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10.
Facing the Wind 04:25
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11.
This Town 05:50
lyrics
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The sky is white With shades of grey There’s no color In me today A little rain Don’t mean a thing But it means something That I can’t sing I want to laugh I want to cry But there’s no music In me tonight Don’t know my heart Don’t know my mind Life’s a rainbow And I’m colorblind And I regret To let you down I forget You’re not around And I will get To leave this town Is it you? Or is it me? Is it something That I don’t want to see Along the way 20 years flew by If ignorance were bliss I’d be fine And I forget To let you down I regret You’re not around And I will get To leave this town I forget to leave I regret to leave But I will get to leave This town.

about

I honestly can't believe I'm releasing this. Here's album #4 of 12, of my album-a-month challenge. I didn't want to release anything written before 2014, due to so much accumulated baggage and sadness in my life. But last month I released my lightest songs from childhood, so it felt disingenuous not to finish the picture. These songs range from every abuse imaginable, sexual/psychological/spiritual/emotional/verbal/physical, from many different sources, and all the strange coping mechanisms I developed in healing from it...I honestly can't believe what I've lived through, considering how much I forget to honor it. One song was written just after the towers fell on 9/11/01 and I lived nearby, not allowed to go home, reframing my whole concept of life and loss and suffering. Others were written after too many heartbreaks or failed relationships, sometimes in defiance, sometimes in understanding, sometimes in just plain ol heartbreak. Track 11 was supposed to be just past the midpoint - there are 7 more songs from this period that I didn't finish in time for this month. Even these liner notes are barely done in time...it's 11:52pm on July 31st. Guess I have to push "publish" now. Thanks for listening. <3

credits

released July 31, 2018

Credits:

Album art by Ryan Wyrick

All songs by Jessica Fogle

Written in high school and early 20s, recorded this month in my home studio (In the clouds... Grand Haven, Michigan).

Mastered by LANDR, cuz tiny budget for 12 albums.

Thanks to everyone who listened to me when I felt small and alone and broken(hearted). Thanks to all who drank with me, or escaped reality at late night diners, or talked about nothing and everything at 3am, or found ways to connect with me despite some deep trust issues. I'm slightly horrified to rediscover who I was during this time period. I feel like I paint a wiser softer picture of my past self now...or like I've whitewashed my own anger...and I hate it. I see this truth in these songs and it terrifies me. Not that I was angry, but how easy it is to disown your own anger, through a series of "shoulds." I don't know what I'm saying right now, I'm tired and overwhelmed...this was going to be an 18 song album, but song number 12 resisted edits/arrangement in every possible way, so I gave up. Maybe there'll be a "More Survival Skills" album soon, I don't know My propensity to "slate" things for the future is like time-debting...either you want to do it, you have time to do it, or you don't. I am coming to hate how I dream so much that all the dreams of today fill up my timebanks of this year and next year and beyond, leaving little psychic space for the actual dreams of tomorrow...there must be a way out of our own heads, to still do the work, but not give ourselves unnecessary work to do. I think of lawns, invented to be mowed, gardens when there are wildflowers, work work work...we love it. Projects and dreams and plans and productions and albums and content and videos and all the things. What are we doing it all for? I know in my case, these songs were so I could live...like literally a way out of my own skin, out of my own heart-space, so I didn't have to feel the thing. It made everything traumatic "once removed." Like denial, but a little less...making something painful into something somewhat pleasing...sort of i guess i don't know. Expression and art is weird. I hope you all find ways to express today. Whatever it is you need to go through, let go, experience, explore, grieve, process...I hope you find a way to. xo Jessica

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Jessica in The Rainbow Michigan

~demos & lofi~
~existential dream folk~
~neoclassical lullaby pop~
~care bear stare~

jessicaintherainbow.com 💕✨🌼

* Studio albums @ jessicawolfbird.bandcamp.com * ... more

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